Week 9: Managing Conflict; Consecrating Ourselves

            In our readings this week, we read a talk from Elder Lynn G. Robbins of the 70.  Elder Robbins was speaking to the world, at the April 1998 General Conference.  Elder Robbins said, “The family is also Satan’s primary target. He is waging war on the family. One of his schemes is the subtle and cunning way he has of sneaking behind enemy lines and entering our very homes and lives. He damages and often destroys families within the walls of their own homes. His strategy is to stir up anger between family members.”  Oh, how I feel that this is even more prevalent—almost 20 years later!  While I can see similarities and differences in my family compared to when I was a kid, I feel sorry for the contention that Satan is causing.  He wants families to fall apart and fail.  Before Satan works on children, he works on causing issues within the marriage.

            Of course, what is the best thing we can do to help our marriages?  Perhaps speaking kindly and not getting upset and angry with them.  Elder Robbins stated, “Becoming angry is a conscious choice, a decision; therefore, we can make the choice not to become angry. We choose! To those who say, “But I can’t help myself,” author William Wilbanks responds: “Nonsense.”

            In the end, we control our own actions.  If we can contain ourselves and not go off on co-workers, employers, students, store workers, etc—then we can work on containing our anger towards our spouse and children.  Unfortunately, you can see the world we live in and how people have no control anymore.  They are fighting, getting angry with others and resorting to violence, instead of resolving issues they have.

            Goddard stated that “the vast majority of relationships can survive and flourish if each of us brings our whole sole as an offering…We enter marriage expecting our needs to be met.  No partner on the face of the earth can meet all our needs."  We need to understand that most people will never have a fairy tail life.  I would love to meet the person who is never met with someone saying an unkind word or opposition and trials in their marriage

            My husband often jokes when he does something wrong, “well, you are perfect, so that wouldn’t have happened”.  In all honesty, we know we aren’t perfect and know just what it takes to push each others buttons.

            How can we get past the not-so-happily ever after? First, we need to realize that marriage is not a fairy tale. Life is not always full of happy endings, nor do most people get swept up from a prince riding a horse. Goddard helps us understand how we can communicate with our spouses: "When we have unmet needs, we humbly invite: 'I could sure use a hand with putting the kids to bed tonight. Is this something you could help me with?' We give gladly and we receive graciously."  Quite simply, we need to be kind with one another.  We need to focus on how we can serve those we are married to and love them, unconditionally.  We need to understand others have faults—as do we—and that’s what makes us human.  We are all part of this game of Life.  We all want to end the game and be happy.  We can, but it takes effort.  We know that there will be bumps and detours along the way.  But, in the end, we can be happy if we follow the Savior and his teachings.