Week 12: Transitions in Marriage: Power Relations and Children

          I found a quote online that says, “A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together.  It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.”  I’m not sure who said that, but I appreciated this quote.  After the honeymoon phase is over, which to be honest, happens to most people, you start to not see your spouse through those rose-colored glasses.  You tend to realize that, hey, they may not be as perfect as we initially thought. ☹


            When we get married, we are no longer focused on ourselves.  In order to have a successful marriage we need to have a partnership and work as a team.  You know the saying, there is no “I” in TEAM.  Sure, you can take the letters ME out of it, but to work together, it isn’t one sided.  You are working and learning about one another and are finding out differences that you never even realized, perhaps this will come as a challenge in your marriage.  As a couple, you must work together and express your feelings to one another.  Simply assuming the other person knows what you are thinking or playing the silent game, will not help anything.  You must express yourself to one another and what you feel you should do as partners and parents, once you have children.  I know this is something that we still struggle with—after 12 years of marriage (and having a blended family).  Communication is key in marriages and trying to move forward.


            I love the wisdom of Elder M. Russell Ballard, who spoke about councils not only within church but by having councils within our family.  I will say this is something that I feel my parents did well.  Often, we had family councils on Sunday’s, when our entire family was home.  We discussed things as a family and often would plan upcoming events or vacations.  We counseled with one another and learned from each other.  This is something that we need to do with our spouse—couple councils.  How much better would our families be, if we took part of this?  I’ve tried this with my husband, and while, at first, it seems odd (especially when you aren’t in the habit), it is something that has benefited us.  We can talk about our hopes, dreams, goals in life.  We can talk about things we disagree about and how to solve problems that are happening.  One thing I’ve noticed is if we start and end with a prayer, the Spirit tends to reside more often within them.  Elder Ballard said, “Inviting the Spirit of the Lord to be part of your family council brings blessings beyond description”.


            Weekly councils with my husband are something we struggle with.  Often, when we have councils, they are when we have issues.  I feel that if we focus on trying to do them sooner rather than when things are going to burst, we can save ourselves a lot of frustration and miscommunication down the road.  If we truly can focus on what we can work on and work together, than it will benefit our family greatly.  Councils are there for us to learn and grow from and to be closer to our spouse and to the Lord.